"My Bridge Maker"

"Trust is the bridge from yesterday to tomorrow, built with planks of thanks.  Remembering frames up gratitude.  Gratitude lays out the planks of trust.  I can walk the planks--from known to unknown--and know:  He holds."   Ann Voskamp  writer of One Thousand Gifts

Isn't it great that God doesn't just hand you this life, walk away, and say, "There you go kid, hope you make it."  No, that's not the God I know.  He is gently leading us, building our trust bit by bit.  And, most of the time, He builds it through pain.  We wish it didn't have to be that way, but do we really want the control?  I don't. 

About 7 weeks ago, God began adding another story to His glory for me.  I suffered a massive bleed during my pregnancy, thought it was all over, but God had another plan.  We saw that little heart still beating.  Like my previous pregnancy with Ella, our 17 month old, I had developed a subchorionic hematoma, or in other words a huge blood clot in my womb.  I knew it was going to be a long road.  And, I knew that along the way, God would have some things He wanted me to know, some things He wanted to reveal to me, during this painful experience. 

After that appointment revealing the dreaded, ugly bloodclot, I have experienced weeks of the unknown.  You see, I don't know from one day to the next, what will happen with this pregnancy.  And, even though I can research all the horror stories, listen to the doctor's preparing me for the worst, and give in to the feelings of depression, I am choosing joy.  Why?  Because I have so much to be thankful for and God commands it of me.  "Give thanks to the Lord of lords.  His faithful love endures forever.  Give thanks to him who alone does might miracles.  His faithful love endures forever.  Give thanks to him who made the heavens so skillfully.  His faithful love endures forever.  Give thanks to him who placed the earth among the waters.  His faithful love endures forever.  Give thanks to him who made the heavely lights- His faithful love endures forever.  (Psalm 136: 3-7). 

I can also give thanks for that baby that I want so badly to live, is moving and kicking.  "She" is a miracle from God.  He made her.  Yes, the ugly bloodclot is still there.  Seven weeks have gone by and it's still there.  But, I can rejoice that it has diminished some.  At each apppointment, I have prayed that God will give me a well, just as He gave Hagar.  "Thereafter, Hagar used another name to refer to the LORD, who had spoken to her.  She said, "You are the God who sees me."  She also said, "Have I truly seen the One who sees me?'  so that well was named Beer-lahai-roi (which means "well of the Living One who sees me").  (Genesis 16: 13-14).  Even though Hagar had known God sees, she had forgotten.  Hagar was in a bad place.  She had been exiled and thought her son would die.  But, God saw her and had mercy on her.  I know God sees me.  God saw me when I was pregnant with Ella and had the same condition.  Yet, how easy it is to forget His goodness, to forget His healing.  The well is still there.  It's always there; there is always a well. 

Isn't it easy to give thanks during the good times?  That is our nature.  We want life to be comfortable and predictable.  But, I told God a long time ago that I wanted His will, not mine.  And, it's been a bumpy road.  There have been sick babies, times of strife, arguments, battles, and on and on.  But, there have also been really joyful, wonderful times.  You know, those moments that you wish you could just freeze.  They have been there too.  Life has been really full so far on this adventure with God.  And, even though I do not know the outcome of this pregnancy, I know the bridge maker.  I know I can follow Him over this bridge and He will hold.  And, I can give thanks;  I can be joyful for that. 

Little Red School Desk

So, we were driving around running errands, and I happened to see one of my favorite junk spots.  I had to stop by!  I'd been on the search for two little school desks and spotted this one immediately.  It's rough around the edges, colorful,  and I love it just the way it is.  And, I bet you can't guess who chose it, Jacob!  Which, actually this little desk reminds me of him, rough around the edges and colorful, and I love him just the way he is!

Ella

Enjoyed taking pictures today of one of my favorite subjects. 

Happy birthday sweet Ella Kate! "My beautiful blue-eyed girl"

       One year ago today, God gave us a special gift, our little Ella Kate.  She has added so much joy to our family.  We are thankful for her and look forward to the days and years ahead with Ella.  I pray that God would bless Ella.  I pray that she would continue to reflect His beauty and grace. 

Jesus...said to them,   "Let the little children come to me;  do not stop them;  for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs."  Mark 10:14

My new thing:  Taking pictures!  

Today, I did some maternity/family pics for a great friend.  I think they turned out terrific! 

thankful for snow and much more...

It has definately been a "winter wonderland" around here, (that's what Lance keeps calling it).  I love snowy days.  They force us to slow down and enjoy what is close to us.  Today we did a whole lot of  just that.  We ate a big breakfast this morning, played the wii and hiho-cherry-o with Luke, sat and watched the snow, laughed at Jacob's funny sayings, smiled at Ella's new top teeth, and sat and watched the snow some more.  It was a good day.  Days like these make me thankful to be here and appreciate all the good things that God has done in my life. 
I always think, what was I doing this time last year, because the days, months, and years go by so fast.  This time last year I was awaiting our sweet baby Ella, who now happens to be one of the greatest joys of my life.  I had had a long, rough pregnancy, and I was ready for it to be over.  Early on in my pregnancy with Ella, I had a placental abruption that caused a severe hemorage, and ended with a  bloodclot that lasted for about 17 weeks.  During that time of weekly ultrasounds, and a lot of uncertainty, I was certain in one thing, that God would bring me through it.  And, He chose to not only bring me through it, but her too.  She is here, she is well, and she is so beautiful.  Now, don't get me wrong, I think my boys are handsome as ever, but she is the most beautiful thing to me.  Her eyes are sparkly blue and her cheeks are so cute!  God says that He'll bring us beauty out of ashes.  And He did.  I was in such a rough place last year, only able to look to God for peace, not knowing if Ella would survive.  And, now this year, seeing a sweet 8 month old happy baby girl, who laughs and plays with her big brothers, and watching the snow, is such a sweet dream.

(Ella's first experience of the snow this morning)...Apparently, princesses do not like the cold.  I don't know if you can tell, but she's really pouting in this picture.  I was really trying for a smile, but it wasn't happening. 

So we came in for a warm bath...

More snow pics...

Give, Save, and Spend...

Our family is on a big journey...learning to manage the money that God has given us.  And, not only just manage it, but do it well.  We've had our ups and downs, but we're not giving up!  We know that God wants us to be debt free and that is our goal for 2011.  But, we're not stopping there.  We feel deeply that it is our priority to teach our children to manage money as well.  And we don't want to wait until they're 18.  We want to begin now. 

These are our oldest son, Luke's, money jars.  The first one is the giving jar, second saving, and third, the spending jar.  We want Luke to know how important we feel it is to give first, save second, then spend out of what is left.  And, let me tell you, he is so excited about this!  He loves helping me around the house. And there are a few things that I pay him for helping me, such as making his own bed, picking up his toys, and mopping, (with the swiffer jet). 

Tonight, as we were talking about the importance of what we do with our money that God gives us, Luke said, "Momma, can we talk about God?"  (Well, of course!)  He said, "There's some good news and some bad news about Him.  (I wondered where this was going).  First, the bad news...you can't see God.  But, the good news is, you can feel Him, and you can talk to Him."  How profound is that! How could I have known that a simple lesson about money would lead up to a "talk" about God.  We spent awhile talking about those three things, as we were lying in his bunk bed.  It was a good talk;   I'm glad we had it.  You just can't separate God and money, they're so connected.  Because, "where your treasure is, there your heart is also".