I'm almost 38 weeks pregnant and tonight I felt God gave me a reality check. Yes, I'm more than ready to be holding little Sophie in my arms, but I can't forget what I have to do now, while I wait.
Today, I went in to the doctor for swelling, not just the normal kind, but for some reason I've developed quite a bit of swelling the last few days. So, you can imagine how I was feeling. I was tired from being up the past night, didn't sleep well, I woke with numbness in my hand from swelling. My feet looked more like elephant's feet than human's feet. I just felt tired and pretty cranky. I got up to three sweet faces greeting me, just like they do every morning, very sweetly. I smiled, but didn't feel like it. I just didn't feel good. After I talked to the nurse and she suggested bedrest for the day, I thought are you kidding me?! I have three small kids; I can't just lay around today. Plus, I have a mountain of laundry to do. All of these things kept stacking up to equal a very cranky momma.
In the afternoon, the nurse decided I should come on in because my blood pressure was reading pretty high for me on the machine that Lance had brought home. We all loaded up and headed to the doctor. Thankfully, my blood pressure was down and the baby is doing great. The checkup went great, but my spirit was still down. I think I was hoping to be in labor or have something go on to finally feel better. But, I walked out of the office, still very pregnant, swollen and miserable. On the way home, Lance had promised to get the boys icecream, so we pulled into sonic. The thought of cleaning up icecream cones from the back seat just didn't set well with me, so I said no, let's do something else. This caused major upset, especially with Luke, our oldest. He began crying and I was very harsh with him about it. I yelled, told him to stop, he was getting a slush and that was final. Shouldn't he have been happy with that? Besides, I just wanted to get home; I was feeling awful.
Tonight, I was feeling pretty guilty about being so harsh and talked with Luke, asking for his forgiveness. He said momma you weren't feeling good, it's okay. Well, that made me feel worse! I told him how even when we're not feeling well, we still need to be kind, that's what God wants us to do. Later on as I was reading my book, "The Mission of Motherhood", I was reminded again to be a servant to my children, even when I don't feel like it. As I wait for Sophie's arrival, I still have a task at hand, to take care of these precious gifts that I've been given and to do it well. I'm so thankful that tomorrow is a new day and God gives so much grace for each day. I'm thankful that I don't have to do it on my own. I might wake up with elephant feet, but I can pray to be filled with the spirit of graciousness, kindness and love toward my children and husband. God didn't say be filled with the spirit, "unless you're pregnant and feel bad". He just said be filled. I pray for a servant heart tomorrow. I know that giving birth is a large task at hand. It's downright scary at times. But, I think of Jesus' task at hand and how he handled the last supper. He knew what would happen to Him, yet he chose to serve his disciples by ministering to them, washing their feet, and feeding them. What a wonderful example he gave.
Are you struggling with waiting today? I hope that you are encouraged to know that God gives us grace for each day and each day is new if/when we mess up and are impatient and grumbly. As you wait, don't forget what He has called you to do now, in this moment.
"It's the way I respond to my children in everyday moments that gives me the best chance of winning their hearts. If I have integrity and patience in the small moments of life that are so important to my children, and if I approach them with a servant's heart, then I have a far better chance of influencing them in the larger and more critical issues of life." Sally Clarkson, "The Mission of Motherhood"